


It's a long road back to you

by magsworld



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Breaking Up & Making Up, Cosmic connection, F/M, Getting Back Together, Jealousy, M/M, Malex, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Past Forlex, Past Miluca, Reunion Fic, double date gone wrong, heart to hearts are necessary, new relationships are fun but not when you have a soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 01:17:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23803486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magsworld/pseuds/magsworld
Summary: Michael finds out that Alex is dating Forrest and he’s okay with it, until he’s not. Maria suggests a double date to show they can all hang out as friends. But they can’t... not really.[OR the one where Michael & Alex realize that they belong together and so they say goodbye to their respective relationships and start anew]
Relationships: Forrest Long/Alex Manes, Maria DeLuca/Michael Guerin, Max Evans/Liz Ortecho, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 183
Kudos: 416





	1. Here We Go

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I wrote this fic because I need it? I love Malex and I’m in mourning of their relationship. For the record, I support them each trying new relationships so they can learn to grow /grow into the best versions of themselves (etc etc). I think they’re endgame and WILL end up together.., wrote this fic to ease the pain of waiting. <3 
> 
> Screams into the void: we need more reunion fics!!!

“I can’t believe you’re hanging out with Max today.” Maria pouted, slumping over a surprisingly clean bench in the junkyard.

“We’re not hanging out.” Michael rolled his eyes, not that she could see him. He was headfirst in the front of a pickup truck trying to make the damn thing start again. “He needs me for something stupid, guaranteed.”

“Uh, last I checked-” and he didn’t need to see her face to know she was smirking. “Two people spending time together is referred to as... hanging out.”

Michael peered his head out of the truck and raised an eyebrow at her. “So, you and me then... we just... hangin out?”

She picked up a rag and threw it at him. Maria was so easy, _too_ easy. He caught it with one hand and used it to wipe the sweat off his forehead.

“Hang out with Liz then,” he said.

“Her and Rosa are having a family day.” Maria lowered her head so Michael walked over to sit next to her.

“When has that ever stopped you?” He nudged her arm, but she didn’t respond to it.

“It’s my own fault, taking a day off before checking to see if anyone was free.”

“Well, I’ll be free later.”

“Ugh,” Maria groaned into her hands, “that’s exactly what Alex said.”

“Perfect,” Michael said, instantly getting up, “go hang out with Alex.”

“Did you hear what I said?” She turned to him, “he’s not free until later either.”

Michael nodded. Being with Maria was the only thing that made him not think of Alex, so if he could help it, he’d much rather not. He wrapped his brain for another person Maria could hang out with, though he wasn’t sure why she just didn’t want to hang out by herself. Michael loved being by himself. It was quiet. Peaceful. Sometimes it was a desperately needed respite from the world that was constantly shouting at you.

But, Maria wasn’t like him. She didn’t appreciate the quiet. She was someone who tried to fill every second of it with conversation or some kind of task, no matter how mindless. He put both hands on the truck and sighed out into the open air. He had to remind himself that it was okay that Maria liked different things, that she operated in different ways. Alex and him were the _same_. And they were _still_ the same people they had always been. So- yeah, different was good. Different was exactly what he needed.

“You know,” Maria said, biting her lip. “Alex isn’t free during the day because...” she paused until Michael met her eyes, “he’s got a date.”

Michael dropped the rag. “A... a date?” He turned away from her stepping back in front of the truck. He wasn’t expecting the words to hit him like that.

“Yup!” Maria said, expression unreadable. “Guess who’s interested?”

This, Michael was actually curious about, but he couldn’t find it in him to ask. He knew he had more options than Alex did in this town and that had given him some kind of weird satisfaction in the past. Michael bent down and picked up the rag. He couldn’t be mad at this. He had chosen Maria. Alex deserved to choose someone else too. He hoped the guy, at least, wasn’t some prick airman. Maybe he was somebody new. Maybe he was-

“Forrest Long!” Maria said. “A Long. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.”

 _Wait_. Michael looked at her. “Nazi guy?”

She seemed confused, opening her mouth but then closing it soon after.

“He has blue hair, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” Maria nodded, “don’t think that makes him a Nazi though.”

“No, I um... I know him.” Michael lowered his head. He remembered walking around his barn with Alex. He hadn’t noticed any connection between the two of them. But maybe that’s because he wasn’t looking at Forrest. Michael cleared his throat. “He uh, looked up Nazi stuff in the library.”

“I’m sorry? Am I supposed to believe Michael Guerin goes to the library?”

Funny. Alex had said the same thing. “Yeah,” he resigned. “sometimes.”

Maria went still all of a sudden. She did that whenever she felt something was wrong. He had liked the psychic energy at first, thought it was cool. But he wasn’t in the mood for it now. One could only be analyzed so many times.

“Are you okay?” She asked, and lowering her voice added, “with this news.”

Michael pinched the bridge of his nose and took a quick breath. When he felt composed he stepped back into view and smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Well, it can be difficult...” Maria said, eyeing him carefully. “When your ex moves on.”

“I told you, Alex and I have been done for a while.”

“Yeah, but... up until now, he hasn’t had someone and _you_ ,” she emphasized, “have.”

“Maria,” Michael said, voice firm. “Him and I have said our peace. I’m happy for him, and...” shit, what was Nazi guy’s name? “Fred.”

“Forrest,” she deadpanned.

“Right well I know him as Nazi guy, so...” he looked at her hoping his eyes conveyed just how over this conversation he was.

“Ok,” she said, thankfully. Though she didn’t look convinced. She never really seemed to when it came to him and Alex.

“Hey,” Michael said. “I mean it.” She kept his gaze and he waited until she smiled. “No one deserves to be happy more than Alex Manes.”

She nodded. “I know you mean that it’s just...”

 _Here it comes._ He crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for her to say whatever she needed to.

“I already carry this guilt for getting between you two.”

And there it was. _For the ever-loving universe_. “Maria, we’ve been through this. I’m fine. Alex is fine.”

“I know!” She put her hands up. “It’s just... the other day I told you I loved you and-”

“And I said it back!”

“Not really!” She stood up from the bench and started pacing. Michael just watched her.

“Not really or... you don’t believe me?”

She stopped pacing and looked at him, _really_ looked at him. Like she was trying to be Isobel and look into his psyche. “I don’t know,” she said at last.

Michael just nodded. What else could he do? That was the problem. That was always the fucking problem. But how could he fix it? How many times could he _choose_ her, could he _assure_ her, could he _publicly be seen_ with her for her to _get it_? He didn’t know, so he didn’t say anything. And she just looked at him, solemnly, as if already knowing there was nothing he could.

The sound of tires on sand interrupted both of them. They turned to see Max’s car pulling into the junkyard. Max rolled down the window and stuck his face out of it.

“Morning you two!” He yelled.

Maria waved, albeit less cheery. Michael let out a long exhale, walked over to her and placed his hands on her waist.

“Do you still want to see me later?”

“Yes,” she said, cupping his cheeks. “I’m sorry I get like this sometimes. It’s not you, honestly, it’s _me_. I think I’m still a little messed up from everything with my Mom.” She laughed, but he knew it wasn’t genuine. “Not thinking clearly, didn’t mean to stress you out.”

She kissed him on the cheek and then ran off towards Max’s car.

Michael looked down at his hand that was once broken. He thought it was interesting how something could heal, but still bring you pain. He stretched out his fingers a few more times before Max beeped his horn and he knew it was time to go.


	2. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael & Max have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot? What is 'plot'? This is fanfiction, Sir, there are no rules. 
> 
> THANK YOU to everyone who commented such wonderful things on this story. I love this fandom. I hope your day is as sweet as Tyler’s smile & as captivating as Michael’s hair (read: infinitely). <3 Seriously though, I appreciate all the support & will be updating every morning.

Max’s car smelled like sand and leather and soap. Also... coffee and somehow, lingering acetone. Max had the radio low and Michael put his head back, watching the desert pass them by through the rear-view mirror.

“Quiet today,” Max said.

As if to prove his point, Michael chose not to say anything. He nodded in his general direction which caused Max to breathe out a small laugh.

They continued on for several miles with neither of them saying anything. Michael found it nice. Really nice, actually. It was the kind of shared silence that you could only experience when you were truly comfortable in another person’s presence. How long had it been since he had felt that way with Max? Too long, was the answer.

Michael turned his face towards him, all of a sudden feeling overcome with gratitude. It wasn’t that long ago that they had almost lost him. That was a day Michael would never forget.

“I’ll spare you the details of what we’re doing until we get there,” Max said, smiling.

“Sure.” That was good enough for Michael.

“How’s Maria?” Max asked. “You two seemed...” he paused, as if trying to pull the right word out of the air, “cozy.”

Michael barked out a laugh and shook his head. That definitely was not the word he would’ve chosen.

“Guess that’s a no.”

“What is this?” he said, bringing his knee up. “An interrogation?”

Max rolled his eyes, “forget it. Sorry I asked.”

 _Ah_. Michael lowered his head. He was so used to talking to Isobel that he almost forgot how much harder it was between him and Max. Isobel didn’t take any of his shit and would just keep on pressing him until the words came out, but Max wasn’t like that. He gave Michael space. Maybe it was out of respect, maybe it was because he thought of him as a flight risk who would run off at the first personal question, or maybe he just didn’t want to piss him off. Michael never knew, but the more he thought about it, the more he reasoned it was probably a mix of all three.

The day they had tried to save Max, Michael had told him that if he woke up, they’d be a family again. He never told him that, but as he looked at his carefree and peaceful demeanor, he knew he still meant every word of it. Max was his family, and he didn’t want to create any more space between them. Families _spoke_ to each other, they didn’t keep secrets from one another. If he wanted to be that kind of family, the Michael knew it would have to start with him.

He took a deep breath in, steadying himself. “She’s mad at me,” he said, and then as if it wasn’t obvious, added, “Maria.”

“Ok,” Max said, nodding. His smile grew into a smirk and Michael wondered if he’d regret this spur of the moment decision to be open and honest. “What’d you do this time?”

“ _This time?_ ”

“Oh, come on,” Max said, moving his head back. He reached one hand over and grabbed Michael’s shoulder. “Relax.”

Right. Michael took off his cowboy hat and sat it on his lap. “Don’t know,” he exhaled. “She’s always mad.”

“Uh-huh,” Max bobbed his head, clearly not buying it.

“Look, I don’t know-” he paused, not sure where he was going with this. “I think it’s because she told me she loved me and... I don’t know.” He stopped. That was very close to the truth and the truth... well, the truth hurt.

Max took his eyes off the road for a second and stared at him, looking concerned. “What’d you say back?”

Michael slouched further into the passenger seat. “I said, ‘you too.’”

Max raised his eyebrows and turned his attention back to the road.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking,” Michael continued. “But she knows I do so it’s not a big thing. I mean, actions speak louder than words.”

“Ok,” Max said. “But do they?” He asked a bit cautiously. “I know we don’t really get into it but...” he paused like he was struggling. They weren’t used to heart-to-hearts. Michael found it somewhat comforting to know they were both finding this tough. “What have you done?”

Michael opened his mouth, but then closed it. Was he actually going to say it? Was he really going to let the words leave his mouth? This was Max. His family. And – Michael sighed, he was so tired of secrets.

“I walked away from Alex.”

Suddenly the car slowed. Max looked at him, a sad but almost knowing expression forming across his face. He reached for Michael’s shoulder again, lightly squeezing it, but he didn’t say anything. This time, the weight of the words had their own moment.

After a few minutes, Michael spoke again. “I chose Maria,” he said. “I had the option to run after Alex or pick her, and… I chose her.”

Michael then put his head down and stared at his hat. He crossed his arms and breathed into his chest. Alex had walked away from him _so_ many times, but every time… Michael had let him. He always thought he was letting Alex do whatever he wanted, but… he never really knew what Alex wanted. Half the time he didn’t even know if Alex did. 

“You know…” Max said. “When I told you to stop living in the past, all I wanted was for you to let go of the pain you still held onto.” He glanced over at Michael, their brown eyes meeting each other’s. “Easier said than done, I know,” he continued. “But, I healed your hand and you still look at it. You still flex your fingers as if testing it, like you’re making sure that it really isn’t broken.”

Michael thought on that. He brought his hand to the top of the hat.

“At first, I thought, ‘can you believe this guy?’ He doesn’t think my powers work.” Max smiled, but Michael ignored it. “Obviously, I knew that wasn’t it.”

“Thank you.”

“I know how hard it is for you to let go. With Iz and I… we just kind of accepted this new reality, but you didn’t. You stayed rooted, always looking behind us to make sure the same mistakes wouldn’t catch up to us.”

Michael wasn’t sure if that was true. Maybe he had done that for them. But for him, he was pretty sure he’d been making the same mistakes since day one.

“What I’m trying to say,” Max added, “and probably pretty poorly, is that I know Alex is tied to your past. There’s a history there that you don’t need to tell me, but I’m sure choosing Maria was hard. _Really_ hard, Michael.”

“Yeah,” Michael said, and wasn’t that the truth. He closed his eyes, feeling more emotional than he had in a long time. “Hardest decision I’ve ever made.”

And it was. In the grand scheme of things, your heart is what rules you. If there is pain in your heart, then there is pain in your life.

“Do you… regret it?” Max asked, looking at him. the question hung in the air, much like it had hung over Michael’s head for the last couple weeks. “Do you think Maria was the right choice?”

“I did,” Michael answered, voice low.

“But now you don’t know.”

Yeah. Michael didn’t need to say it. Maria Deluca was cool and fun. A connection had been made. A bond had been formed. She had felt right, when him and Alex had felt so wrong. She was warm, kissed him in front of people. He had finally felt _good_ for somebody so why, why didn’t he still feel that way? He turned towards Max. “Do you think I did?”

Max moved his head from side to side. “From the look on your face… no, Michael. I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

Michael sighed and flexed his fingers. He felt Max’s eyes on him. He had wanted Max to be honest. “We’re not good for each other right now. If we were together… we’d just keep hurting one another. The decision was mutual.”

Max nodded, “That’s... really mature.”

“Yeah. Well,” Michael cleared his throat, “might’ve hooked up since then.”

Max laughed and shook his head, it made Michael smile. The sound reverberated in the car. “Semi-mature then.”

“Yeah.” Semi-mature. He kind of liked that. “Anyway,” Michael breathed out. This conversation was getting heavy and it was about time they lightened it. “He’s dating someone else now so it doesn’t matter.”

Max nodded. “Yeah, Forrest long. I heard.”

“What?” That caught Michael by surprise. He turned his whole body towards him, but Max just shrugged.

“Liz told me,” he said. “Apparently he performs at open mic nights.”

 _Okay_ – Michael had officially reached his limit. “Good for him, then."

Max started laughing again, louder than before. Michael found himself fighting it, but eventually caving and laughing alongside him.

The hot desert air drifted through the windows and Michael resumed watching the dunes pass them by. Slowly the sand lessened and buildings sprouted into view as Max made a right turn into a town. They followed the road all the way down until Michael had no idea where they were anymore. After a few more moments of comfortable silence, Max spoke again.

“You’re gonna be ok, Michael. Both of you.”

Michael just shook his head at him. Max could be such a dad sometimes.

“But when you reconnect,” he added, pulling into some abandoned lot. “Spare me the details.”

“What?”

“You know,” he said, turning off the car. “When you two-” Max gestured vaguely into the air, “get _back_ together, I’m not sure _that’s_ a conversation I can handle.”

Michael started laughing but lowered his head. "Not sure if we will."

“Please,” was Max's response. "Don't insult me."

With that, he got out of the car, leaving an open-mouthed Michael staring at him. Michael just sat there, watching his brother laugh to himself and check the time. This conversation had surprisingly not been bad. Michael might even say he was glad they had it. But as he got out of the car, and saw that Max was _still_ laughing, he decided that on the way home, he was going to ask him _one hundred_ questions about Liz.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Forrest & Alex spend the day together, and Maria calls with plans for later.


	3. Feeling Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex reflects on first dates & then goes on one with Forrest. Things are magical, until his phone rings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex Manes deserves all the nice things. That is all <3

There was something so magical about first dates. For reasons you can’t quite place: the air feels fresher, the sky appears bluer, the very ground you walk on feels bouncier and you... you get overcome.

Overcome with that light airy but sparkling feeling of hope. It’s a rare moment when you can physically see the beauty of possibility; when you’re filled with such giddiness that you’re brought back to the joys of childhood when things were simpler and you were open.

Simply put, first dates brought out the best in you. You wore your best outfit, fixed your hair just right, and brushed your teeth twelve times just to make sure there wasn't something stuck in them when you were caught grinning like an idiot, which you _definitely_ would be.

Alex had never gone on a proper first date with Michael Guerin. The two of them had just… had a connection. One so strong that, that they both got sucked into each other’s secret worlds. And those secret worlds were full of secret places and secret rooms where their relationship, and all the love Alex had felt, remained hidden.

For 10 years, all of that big unexplainable love, and all of those tender, but painful memories, were locked away in one of those secret rooms, and up until recently, it was only him that could see inside.

Alex often wondered what it would be like had he let people in; if he had unlocked one of those secret rooms earlier. If he had told Maria from the start that he loved Guerin, would their lives have ended up differently? If Max and Isobel, Michael’s closest confidants had known, would Alex have been trusted with Michael’s true identity sooner?

Would they all have been better off? Or… would it have made everything worse?

These were questions that Alex contemplated from time to time. But today, there was only one on his mind, and that was: what if… what if they had had a first date.

Would Michael have dressed up for him? Would he had brought flowers or offered to pay? He wondered which one of them would be more nervous. He wondered where’d they’d go or what they’d do. He wondered so much what life could’ve looked like had things just been… different.

It was a fun thing to think about. But, as Alex smiled to himself, he couldn’t imagine it. Not really. And… he shouldn’t. For the last week, Alex had been talking to Forrest. Forrest: a cute, open, actually available, nice guy who was interested in him. And today, they were going on a real first date.

The first time they had met, Forrest’s adorable beagle, Buffy, had run up to him. And Forrest had asked him out, in front of Maria, in the middle of a crowded outdoor market. Alex was a decorated airman and he was brave in a lot of ways, but he had never been brave with his own heart like that. That thought made him immediately interested in Forrest, and just a little sad in himself.

He had gone to an open mic night the day after they met. He had seen Forrest get on a stage and do slam poetry with all the feeling and conviction of a man who owned his truth. It was the kind of awspiring thing that held your attention. Simply put, Forrest was captivating. He was a man so sure of himself that he dyed the tips of his hair blue, just because he wanted to and – _oh man_ , how that reminded Alex of the person he used to be: a long-haired, black-eyelined, nose-ringed rebel child.

_A rebellious kid_ who fell in love with a guy his father hated. A kid who made out with that guy in the back of his pickup truck in the middle of the desert. A kid who left it all behind to grow into someone unrecognizable. Someone who in a lot of ways, still wasn’t good enough.

Alex let out a long sigh. He was standing in front of his mirror, double-checking his outfit choice for the day. Jeans and a button-down – a safe option. No hints of a rebel kid anywhere.

Alex closed his eyes and _once again_ took all his thoughts of Michael Guerin and pushed them back into the secret rooms of his mind. He thought instead, of Forrest stepping off of the stage and sitting next to him. He thought of Forrest buying him a drink, his leg grazing Alex’s underneath the table, his eyes looking him _up_ and _down_ with a certain hunger that made the hair on the back of Alex’s neck stand up. He thought of how _good_ it felt to be _wanted_.

A knock on the door sounded and Alex smiled. He was _ready_ for something new, something different. And it was here.

* * *

“Can I ask where you’re taking me?”

“You can,” Forrest said, flashing his smile from the driver’s side. “Doesn’t mean I’ll tell you, though.”

Alex laughed and settled further back into his seat. “Fine, a surprise it is.”

Forrest kept smiling at him. He extended his right hand over the center console and Alex stared at the open invitation. He had never done this, but he wanted to do this. He looked Forrest up and down, starting with his blue hair making his way down to his perfect smile, his cool looking jacket, and pants. He didn’t look like a guy with any secret rooms.

Alex grabbed his hand and Forrest interlaced their fingers. Alex couldn’t fight the smile tugging at his lips or the electric rush he felt coursing through his veins. He felt lighter, but also a little nauseous. He felt excited, but also really, _really_ nervous.

How crazy was it that just a simple touch could do that to him? 

No, Alex reasoned that it wasn’t just holding someone’s hand that did that. It was what it _meant_. What it symbolized. Alex was a gay man in the military. Beaten and bruised by his father. Called weak and humiliated by him _over_ and over again, and here he was, on a date. Riding shotgun. Holding another man’s hand over the center console. Being _affectionate_ with him where other people could potentially see them and he felt… Alex felt… _free_. Queasy mostly, but also… _free_.

He gave Forrest’s hand a squeeze and he smiled again, watching him with those big beautiful deep brown eyes of his. Alex felt his cheeks redden so he turned to look out the window. He never would’ve thought he’d be here. That he’d be hand in hand with a cute guy, driving somewhere unknown to him, and feeling comfortable. No matter what happened on this date or whatever happened with the two of him in the future, Alex was grateful for this moment. He hadn't realized how much he needed it.

And, he wondered briefly what he’d look like with dyed hair.

“Whatcha thinking about over there?”

“Actually-” Alex laughed, turning towards him. “Dying my hair.”

“Wow,” Forrest nodded, now grinning. “Any particular person inspire those thoughts?”

Alex shook his head. This was fun. “Not really, no.”

Forrest laughed. “Funny _and_ beautiful. Look at you.”

Alex tried to hide his blushing face but it was fruitless. His pale complexion would give him away _any day._ He cleared his throat hoping that’d help keep the nervous smiling down. He was probably going to be doing a lot of that. Good thing he had brushed his teeth so many times.

“I think it’d look good,” he said after a while.

“Ah,” Alex shook his head, “maybe if I wasn’t in the Air Force.”

Forrest seemed to think about that. Alex felt his eyes on him.

“And yourself?” Alex asked, “What are you thinking about.”

“You with dyed hair.”

Alex laughed.

“I can picture it.”

“You can, can you?” That was intriguing. He wondered what he was like in Forrest’s mind. Forrest was so cool in his own after all. “I did tell you I was an emo kid.”

“Yes,” Forrest laughed, “which might be _harder_ for me to picture than you with blue hair.”

“That’s fair.” Alex tried to laugh along but he found himself going pretty still. “I’m quite different now.”

Forrest brought their joined hands up to the vehicle’s dashboard. “Hopefully the music taste hasn’t changed?”

“Not one bit,” Alex answered as Forrest turned on some music that brought him _right back_ to some of those rebellious days. He shook his head in disbelief of it all until Forrest brought their hands to his mouth and kissed the back of Alex’s.

Forrest belted out the song, so Alex did the same. He was _vaguely_ aware that the windows were down and other cars were passing them by, but for some reason… Alex didn’t care. He sang loud and off-key, laughing with Forrest who was doing the same.

About twenty songs later and however many miles, the truck came to a stop. Alex looked around and deduced that they were at some kind of outdoor festival.

There was a big dune stage in the center, some food and market tents set up, and a bunch of string lights that framed the whole place. It was also _full_ of people, and Alex didn’t recognize a single one of them. It was perfect.

“We’re here,” Forrest said, voice excited. “Surprised?”

Alex couldn’t wait any longer. He leaned across his seat and kissed Forrest on the mouth. Forrest responded to it _immediately_. Bringing his hands to Alex’s face he opened his lips, deepening the kiss, letting their tongues wrestle and the heat between them intensify. Alex pulled back out of breath and Forrest looked at him wide-eyed.

_“What was that for?”_ Forrest whispered.

“A surprise for _you_ ,” Alex said, feeling thankful, “for the surprise for me.”

* * *

As far as first dates go, this was one Alex would never forget. Various bands played on the dune stage and people, _all sorts of p_ eople, in the crowds clapped and cheered and danced. And Alex danced, and Forrest danced, and they danced together, and nobody seemed to care if their bodies just happened to be closer than would’ve been considered normal. Forrest certainly didn’t care. He wouldn’t stop trying to hold Alex’s hand, and eventually, Alex gave in and let it. A few times he thought people might be looking at them so he dropped his hand finding some excuse of other things he needed to hold. He wasn’t sure if Forrest was seeing through it, but if he was, he didn’t care enough to point it out.

Forrest paid for things, which Alex wasn’t expecting. He brought over snacks and drinks and it was nice. _More than nice_. Alex felt so overcome with emotion that he bought himself a hat so he could hide a bit of it from the world, and keep a bit of it to himself.

As the sun started its descent in the sky, the tea lights around the place came on and Alex and Forrest leaned against Forrest’s truck and Forrest turned his head towards Alex.

“I’ve been thinking,” Forest said, looking cool calm and insightful.

“Yeah?”

“I think you need to perform for me.”

“ _What?”_ Alex’s face lit up, eyebrows flying to the sky. “Here!? Now?”

“It’s only fair,” Forrest said, smiling through his nonchalance. “You’ve seen me do my thing, I want to see _you_ do _yours_.”

Alex laughed and took a sip of the beer Forrest had bought him. It had been so long since Alex sang, or picked up an instrument. He wasn’t even sure if he still remembered how. But, he liked the way Forrest was looking at him, and he didn’t want it to stop.

“It’s been a long time since anyone’s heard me sing.”

Forrest nudged him. “I promise not to judge.”

“Ah,” Alex paused, letting his mouth hang open. He eyed the stage and eyed the people. He didn’t want to be the person who hid who he really was. He liked being here with Forrest. He liked holding his hand in public. He liked sitting side by side with him in the back of his truck.

Something had changed in him in the short time since he met Forrest. Alex had felt more _brave_. He felt more _ready_ to do things he never would’ve before. But, he was still him, and he was going to need to move at his own pace. The fire within him had been stoked, but it wasn’t yet at full flame.

“I will sing for you,” Alex said, “ _someday_. But I’m not ready to do it now. I hope that’s okay.”

Forrest nodded and shortened the distance between them. “more than okay,” he said, kissing his cheek. “Some things are worth the wait.”

* * *

Alex left his phone in the back of Forrest’s truck and it rang three times. Alex thought he _maybe_ heard it, but he was pulled into some country line dancing that broke out in the middle of the festival. He threw his head back and laughed, reveling in the adventure of it all. His leg was definitely sore from all the dancing and all the movement, but he didn’t care. Nothing bothered him today.

He danced with men, women, children, old people. Everyone was there flinging each other around the makeshift sand dancefloor. Everyone was caught up, lost in the moment, and the magic of it all.

A second later he heard Forrest’s voice and he turned to see him in the back of his truck waving Alex’s phone in the air.

“Do you want me to answer it for you?” Forrest yelled over the crowd.

“Depends,” Alex laughed, not sure if he could hear him. “Who is it?”

“Name says, Maria!”

Alex paused. “Go for it!"

And slowly, he made his way through the crowd, thanking his dancing partners and new acquaintances. He walked, albeit a bit wobbly, over to Forrest, picking up the start of their conversation.

“Hello?”

“Oh! Sorry, must’ve dialed the wrong number.”

“No, wa-“ _click_

Alex rolled his eyes as he jumped up to sit next to Forrest again in the back of his truck.

“She hung up,” Forrest said, apologetically.

_He was so cute_. Alex leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. Forrest responded by snaking an arm around Alex’s waist. Alex felt his breath catch in his throat. He looked from Forrest’s eyes to his lips and then, Maria called again.

Forrest handed him the phone and Alex almost had the good sense to ignore it, but… he remembered he promised to hang out with Maria later. She didn’t get many days off and she seemed not in the best of moods lately. So, he picked up.

“Hi, Maria.”

“Oh, Alex! There you are,” Maria paused, and Alex could picture her checking the phone, seeing that this was, in fact, the same number she had just called.

“ _Hi Maria_ ,” Forrest echoed. His hand was still on Alex’s waist and his face was very close to Alex’s neck.

“That’s Forrest,” Alex said, feeling very hot all of a sudden. “He, um… answered the first time.”

“Oooh,” Maria’s voice was excited and _knowing_. Alex didn’t know if he liked or hated that. “What are you two boys up to?”

“Dancing in the desert,” Forrest answered, and Alex just looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah, there’s _no_ way I believe that.” Maria paused again. “Well, maybe for _you_ , Forrest, but not our Alex. He doesn’t _do_ fun.”

“Hey,” Alex replied. “I’ll have you know, I am very fun.”

“I know, babe,” Maria laughed.

Forrest nudged him and lowered his voice, _“Does she want to come?”_

“Oh,” that caught him off guard. Alex put his hand over the receiver. “Probably not.”

Forrest gave him a look that had Alex feeling on _fire_. _“Embarrassed?”_

“You know what?” Alex said, getting louder. “Maria, why don’t you meet us here?”

Forrest smiled wickedly and Alex was determined to kiss that smug grin off his face.

“Sure! Um, can Michael come?”

And suddenly Alex froze. He sat up a little straighter and pulled back from Forrest.

“Who’s Michael?” he asked, immediately.

“He’s uh…” Alex couldn’t think straight. “Maria’s… boyfriend.”

“Yeah, why not?” Forrest said, jumping off of the truck. “The more the merrier.”

Maria must’ve heard him because she started _squealing_ through the phone. “Oh my god, Alex! _A double date!_ This is genius.”

“Uh,” Alex ran a hand through his hair. “I’m gonna need to think about this.” He then covered the receiver and turned towards Forrest. “Can I have a minute?”

“Sure,” Forrest nodded, smiling at him. “I’ll get us some more drinks.” 

Alex waited until Forrest was out of view before speaking again.

“This is so great, Alex!”

“Great?” It definitely was not.

“Yes, ugh,” Maria exhaled and it sounded like a big breath of relief. “I think I really need this. What a _great_ way to show us all together as friends.”

“We are friends.”

“I know, but… I want to see your new boo!”

Alex laughed despite himself.

“And I think it’ll make things less weird with me and Michael. I mean, if he can see you _happy_ in a new relationship then maybe…” she trailed off.

“Maybe…” Alex felt his heart rate kick up. “Maybe what?”

But Maria didn’t elaborate. “Oh, just say yes! _Pleeeease_?”

Alex sighed. He was _happy_ for Maria and Michael. He had given them his blessing more times than he could _possibly_ count. If he said he was uncomfortable now… she’d take it personally.

This is where his friendship with Maria became a double-edged sword. If she knew just how much the sight of Michael affected Alex’s entire being, then she wouldn’t ask him to come. Though if she did know, she probably wouldn’t have dated him in the first place. Finding out now, finding out the weight and depth of the secret rooms Alex held Michael’s love in, would positively crush her.

Maria was a kind soul. She didn’t deserve that kind of guilt.

_What a mess_. Alex looked around the open, fun setting that he was currently in. Forrest had brought him here. Michael had moved on. Michael had returned the guitar, had pushed him away. Had… started dating his best friend.

And Alex loved his best friend and wanted her to be happy. He cared about her happiness. He cared about _Michael’s_ happiness. Maybe it _would_ be good for everyone to be together. Maybe it truly would solidify that they’ve all moved on, that they could all be friends.

He still loved Michael. He knew he always would. But the two of them were _working_ on their friendship and if they continued to hide their relationships from each other well… what kind of friendship was that?

Michael had said he was tired of secrets. Well, Alex was tired too. He had _so many_ secret _fucking_ rooms, and how had they served him? They hadn’t. They just buried his feelings, buried his truth. Kept him from being open and honest and _god_ \- he didn’t want to be that person. He wanted to be here, happy, _out_ in the _open_. Free. He wanted to be free from all of it.

“Yes,” he told Maria. “Bring him.”

Maria’s excitement was palpable. “We’re going to have a great time, Alex! This is a really, _really_ good idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: The Double Date


	4. A Song of Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max advises Michael against the worst idea he’s ever heard, but Michael does it anyway. He goes on the double date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double dates are hard to write ya’ll! All my respect to the fanfic writers who pull them off so seamlessly. Again, a big thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments. Very grateful for all of you!! <3
> 
> Also - we are halfway there! :)

“This is a terrible idea,” Max said, point-blank.

Michael pinched the bridge of his nose. He had already thrown his hat a considerable distance away from them. “I agree with you.”

“So, why did you say yes?”

“Because when your girlfriend is mad at you and asks you to do something, you do it!”

Max was clearly exasperated. “Liz and I don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t ignore each other’s feelings, Michael!”

“He’s her best friend, Max.”

Max breathed out, crossing his arms over his chest. “That doesn’t mean you need to see the _guy you’re in love with_ kiss some other dude in front of you.”

“ _I’m not_ —”

“Don’t.” Max said.

Michael kicked the ground and dirt flew up all around them. He turned around and punched the air before finally slumping back, leaning against his airstream. A mix of dirt and rocks that were somehow still in the air came crashing down. Max didn’t flinch at all.

“Fine,” Michael said; feeling beaten, feeling tired, feeling empty.

Max just nodded, his head held low.

As Michael looked at him, he knew he was being ridiculous. Just a big kid throwing a tantrum now that he had clarity on what he wanted and it was no longer available. “It’s not like I haven’t kissed Maria in front of him.”

“Wow,” was Max’s response.

“What?”

“You weren’t kidding when you said you two like to hurt each other.”

Michael ran his hands over his face. “Not helping.”

“Well,” Max started, “you already said _yes_ , so I guess just go tonight and try to focus on Maria. And,” he lowered his voice, “try _not_ to look at Alex.”

“What, you think I’m just gonna stare at him the entire time?”

Max hesitated like he wasn’t sure if he should say something, but then he said it. “People see you, Michael. You’re always staring at each other.”

Michael thought about that, but the thought made him angry. “Why the fuck has no one ever said anything, then?”

“You’re both private people! Who’s going to say something?”

“Maria,” Michael said, voice firm. “I _chose_ Maria.”

“A while ago, yeah,” Max said. “ _Yesterday_ , yes. Today, sure. But what about tomorrow? Or the next day? That’s the _thing_ about choices, Michael. You have to keep making them.”

* * *

The drive out to wherever Alex, Maria, and Nazi guy were, was long and extremely inconvenient. Michael barely avoided two very large potholes and he was pretty sure he was lost before a sign came into view directing people to an outdoor festival.

A festival in the middle of the desert, very original.

Michael parked his truck in a sea of other trucks and slowly made his way to the entrance. There was a ton of people everywhere. The sun had set so tiki torches and tea lights lit the whole place up; illuminating some merchants, food vendors, a very large alcohol tent, and a lone stage in the center of the area.

Michael looked down at his phone. He had told Maria he would meet her here because he was going to be late with Max, but that wasn’t entirely true. He was with Max, yes. But they had finished up early and were just hanging out at his airstream while Michael tried on eight different shirts, took a shower, shaved his face, and tried to figure out where the fuck this destination was.

He ran his hands through his hair. Max was right. This was a bad idea. He should’ve just hung out with Maria alone so they could talk things out. Showing up here, for a double date, seeing Alex with… _another guy_. He usually considered himself smart, but this was just plain stupid.

He picked his head up. Maybe if he left now, no one would see him. He could just tell Maria he’d call her tomorrow. But… _shit_. He was _tired_ of secrets. He was tired of _lies_. _He was-_

“Guerin!” Maria called. “There you are.”

Michael swallowed hard and turned around. Maria was in a bright pink crop top, jeans and boots. Her eyes lit up at the sight of him and he hoped with all his might that her psychic senses were turned off for the night.

“Wow, a buttoned shirt,” she said, smiling. “And a shave too! My goodness.”

He laughed. Maybe this could work. All he had to do, was concentrate on her. Michael grabbed her hand and kissed her cheek. Maria smelled a little like beer, which reminded him that he desperately needed one.

“Guerin,” a voice called, and Michael’s heart stopped.

Two people made their way through the crowd, their footsteps getting louder as Michael straightened up and prepared himself.

Through the clearing came Alex Manes, dressed casually and comfortably and to his left, was Forrest Long. Blue tipped hair, weird-looking jacket.

“Hey,” Michael said, though he wasn’t sure it was loud enough for anybody to hear it.

Alex coughed and motioned to the guy next to him. “You, uh, remember Forrest?”

“Alien guy!” Forrest said. He was beaming, looking happy, and slightly intoxicated.

Michael tried not to look at Alex as he extended his hand and Forrest shook it. “Nazi guy, what’s up.”

“Oh my god, I thought you were _kidding_ ,” Maria laughed and hit Michael’s arm. “You actually _do_ call him that.” She turned to Forrest. “I thought he was just being mean because, well… not important.”

He gave her a look and she cleared her throat.

“Being mean?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Who wants a drink?” Maria said.

Michael immediately raised his hand.

“Definitely,” Alex said.

Maria clapped her hands together. “I’ll get them! The tent is _that-a-way!_ ”

Alex laughed because he was nice. Forrest got in front of Maria. “Hey, I’m the new guy! I should do it.”

 _Holy shit_ , Michael could not do this.

Maria chuckled and threw her hair over her shoulder. “I believe I know what everybody likes, but I will _gladly_ take you with me.”

And just like that, in a matter of mere seconds, the two of them disappeared into the crowd, leaving Michael and Alex alone.

Michael looked at his feet. Alex seemed to do the same. It was less hot now that the sun had set, but he always felt warm around Alex. Even if Michael closed his eyes or looked away, he would know Alex was there. And it wasn’t ideal. Being super aware of another person’s presence was never really a good thing. When they were young, it helped them to make sure they kept a healthy distance in public so their secret could be safe, so Alex’s father wouldn’t hurt either of them. but ten years had passed, and they were still standing like they were afraid of being hurt. Michael wondered if that would ever go away. Maybe with practice, he thought. _Practice_ of closing the distance.

“So... Forrest,” Michael said. He meant it as a question, but it wasn’t. Not really.

“Yup.”

Michael chanced it and met Alex’s eyes. He looked a bit… different. He looked... was it, carefree? No. It was... relaxed. Alex looked relaxed.

“Is this weird?” Alex asked, his voice going lower.

”Yes.”

Alex laughed and Michael was very aware of the sound. Instinctively, he found himself being drawn into it, wanting to close the distance. But Alex’s eyes were no longer on him. Instead, his eyes were on the sand stage just a ways in front of them.

“You know, Forrest is really good at karaoke.”

Michael couldn’t care less about something if he tried. “Cool.”

“Yeah,” Alex was now rocking on his heels. “He performs, he’s really great at it.”

“Sure,” Michael’s eyes scanned the crowds. _How far_ _was that beer tent?_

“Does slam poetry, too.”

“You know, Maria sings,” Michael said before he could stop himself.

Alex smirked at him and Michael found himself smiling and looking down.

“Of course you know that.”

“Yeah,” Alex was shaking his head.

 _Unbelievable_. It should be illegal how easy this man could disarm him.

“So...” Alex started saying, and Michael was vaguely aware he was staring at his lips. “Karaoke?”

“W-what?”

Alex motioned to the stage where apparently a large projector and mic had been set up in the very short time since Michael had last looked at it. But, there was no way he had heard that right.

“You want to do karaoke?” Michael asked, and then motioned to the crowds of people around them. “In front of all these people?”

“Uh, yeah,” Alex said, looking defiant. And it was.. well, pretty hot. “You scared, Guerin?”

Michael just looked at him.

“What?”

“Alex Manes wants to sing karaoke.”

Alex put his hands in his pockets. “Is this where you tell me I’m not fun? Because I’ve already heard that from Maria today.”

“Please,” Michael rolled his eyes. “You’re plenty fun, but this... you really want to do this?”

Alex shrugged. “Why not?”

“It’s just,” how could he put this, “I know how you are with...” Michael paused, “attention.”

Alex looked at him in a sort of disbelief. “You know, sometimes I forget how well you know me.”

Michael wasn’t sure how to take that, and he was definitely staring at Alex’s lips now. Maybe Max was right. Maybe Michael _had_ been obvious this whole time, but he had mentioned it was both of them. Did that mean Alex looked at him this way? And… in front of _everyone_? Did he still?

“I don’t want to be that guy anymore, Guerin.” Alex sighed out into the air. “The guy who hides. The guy who cares too much what everyone else thinks.”

“Alex—”

But before he could finish, Maria and Forrest reappeared and Michael watched as Forrest walked up to Alex, delivered him a beer, and kissed him on the cheek. Honestly, getting slapped would’ve been less painful. Alex shied away, backing up a bit, looking a tad uncomfortable because of course, he was! He was an airman _for god's sake_. He didn't do public displays of affection. Was Nazi guy out of his _goddamn_ mind?

“Beer delivery!” Maria placed the beer directly in Michael’s line of sight and he grabbed it, a bit forcefully. She looked at him a little stunned and Michael realized that he was just about to leap forward and push Forrest off of Alex. On their double date. Wow.

He took a step back and nodded his thanks at Maria who was eyeing him _very_ carefully. His eyes returned to Alex though who was now laughing at something Forrest said, and standing closer to him than before. Didn't he know people could see them? _Didn't he care?_

“You ok, babe?”

“Fine.”

Maria’s face was not pleased. “Don’t lie to me, Guerin.”

 _Ugh_. Michael turned towards her not sure what he was even going to say. And then somehow Forrest was right behind her, staring at him.

“So, does Alien guy sing karaoke?”

Maria burst out laughing and Michael just looked from her to him to Alex. Alex, who was now holding Forrest’s hand.

Michael felt nauseous. He lowered his hat to hide his face. Maria started talking to Forrest about song choices, but he wasn’t listening.

Michael had _kissed_ Maria in front of Alex, he had held Maria’s _hand_ in front of Alex. And Alex, always looked so _damn_ fine with _everything_. Michael had seen two small displays of affection and was pointedly _not_ fine. _How could he be?_ What was Alex’s secret?

The guy who hides. Was that what Alex meant? If he was bothered by him and Maria, did he hide his feelings? They were always surrounded by people! Could you hide in plain sight?

And suddenly Michael got it, his body started feeling numb as the realization hit him. _Of course_ , you could hide in plain sight. He was an _alien_. That was exactly how he lived his whole damn life.

Michael drained the beer Maria had given him. He didn’t care what anyone thought about it. If he was going to be here, he wasn’t sure he wanted to remember it.

Maria clapped her hands again. Her and Forrest had come to some sort of decision. The next thing Michael saw was Maria grabbing Alex’s hand and running towards the stage. Forrest smiled after them and then turned towards Michael.

“So, uh…” Michael cleared his throat, coming up to his full height. “What are your intentions with Alex?”

Forrest _laughed_ and put his hands up. “Don’t worry, Maria already gave me the talk.”

“The talk?”

“Yeah,” Forrest was nodding and sipping his beer and Michael wondered just how many he already had. “ _The, ‘don’t hurt him or I’ll kill you_ ,’ talk.”

Oh, the _fucking_ irony. Michael shook his head.

“Shall we?” Forrest asked.

And because he was already in it now, Michael acquiesced. “Lead the way.”

* * *

Karaoke, as it turns out, is less about singing, and more about screaming random words out of tune into a shaky microphone. When the lyrics are projected on a large screen in front of a drunken crowd, everyone sings along and nobody really cares how bad you are. In fact, the worse you are, the more the crowd seems to like you.

Maria and Alex sang a few drunken songs together and the crowd loved them. Forrest tried to make more conversation with Michael, but Michael just couldn’t do it. He had promised Max he wouldn’t, but the whole night, Michael kept his eyes on Alex. He just couldn’t help it. Alex was up on stage _singing_. Well – _yelling_ , drunkenly, but still. In all the years they had known each other, Michael had never seen Alex like this and it was both incredible and terrifying. _Incredible_ because Alex Manes looked confident, free, and beautiful. _Terrifying_ , because Alex Manes looked confident, free, and beautiful. 

At one point, Maria dragged Michael up on stage and put on some song about heartbreak. Michael was pretty sure he just swayed up on stage as old women whistled at him. Forrest and Maria sang some songs together and lastly, Forrest got up to the mic and sang one song by himself. 

“This is dedicated to a _very_ special guy here with me tonight.”

The words sank into Michael’s stomach as he watched Alex’s whole face redden. Maria and the crowd let out a big ‘ _awwwww_ ’ and Michael just absolutely could not fucking believe a single bit of it. They weren’t that far out of Roswell! There was _no way_ Alex and all his years of _internalized feelings_ could be comfortable right now.

He watched him. He watched Alex’s face through the entire fucking song and Alex’s face was… happy. Alex looked… happy.

When the music stopped, people cheered. All those who were sitting got to their feet to give Forrest a standing ovation, which was completely unnecessary. This was a goddamn karaoke set, not some episode of _Who’s Got Talent_. 

Forrest jumped off the stage and made his way through the crowds to their table, and because Michael was still watching Alex, he saw the whole thing play out as it happened. He saw Forrest walk up to Alex and kiss him on the lips in front of everyone. Alex smiled bashfully and leaned into it. He didn’t back away. He kissed him back.

Maria grabbed Michael’s hand and leaned her head on his shoulder, but Michael couldn’t’ do it. He couldn’t do any of this.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to Maria, letting her hand fall to the side.

Without another word, Michael got up and made his way out of the festival.

* * *

Alex couldn’t remember a single time in his life where he felt so special. Being sung to in front of a crowd of people, who to his surprise, weren’t hateful or angry about a guy singing a love song to another guy. It was nothing short of incredible.

Alex broke their kiss and saw Maria give him two thumbs up.

“Now I believe that’s _two_ performances you owe me,” Forrest was saying, and Alex wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t help noticing that Michael was standing up from their table and walking away.

“Bathroom,” Maria said as if reading his mind.

Forrest barked out a laugh and shook his head. “That’s the way to the parking lot. Maybe he’s had too many.”

“Oh, crap.” Maria’s face fell in a way that told Alex everything he needed to know.

“I’ll get him,” Alex said, standing up.

“Why?” Forrest was asking him. “I’m sure he’ll realize and come back.”

“No, I should get him,” Maria said, ignoring Forrest.

“I think you two are being a _little_ dramatic.”

Alex and Maria exchanged looks. They were both standing, having a full-on conversation with their eyes. He knew Maria was the logical choice to go after Michael, and so did _she, b_ ut Forrest had just sung to Alex, had just _kissed_ him in front of everyone. Alex would be lying if he said seeing Michael jealous wasn’t just a little bit satisfying, but he wasn’t here to hurt anyone… least of all Michael.

Maria sat down, but Alex felt someone grab his hand.

“You can let him go,” Forrest said.

And Forrest was smiling. His eyes were hopeful, his words had been _innocent_ , but he didn’t know the full weight of which they carried. 

“I can’t,” Alex said, but he returned the smile. “I’ll be right back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Alex runs after Michael and some choice words are said.  
> Michael and Maria have a talk.


	5. Choose Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael lays his feelings bare and Alex gets pissed. Maria then confronts Michael and they agree to call it quits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Things need to get worse before they can get better. If you don’t reveal your truth, you can’t stand on honest ground."
> 
> This chapter hurts. Try not to hate me too much for it? <3  
> New episode on tonight! Will you be watching?

_If anyone’s going to destroy me, it might as well be you_. This is what Michael chose to think about as Alex called his name again and _again_.

Michael breathed out into the still night air. He was in the middle of the desert festival’s makeshift parking lot, almost to his truck. He had _almost_ made it.

_“Guerin, stop!”_

If it was anyone other than Alex, Michael wasn’t sure he would’ve turned around. Alex’s footsteps were getting louder and _louder_. Michael slowed his pace. He stared at his truck, not even ten yards away. Soon Alex would catch up and Michael would have to face him with the heaviest heart he had ever had.

_“Where do you think you’re going?”_

Michael closed his eyes and as slow as he could manage it, turned around.

Alex was breathing heavy. Michael could see confusion, concern, and _definitely_ anger written all over his face. But Michael didn’t know what to say. He felt depleted. The emotions running through him were too much, way too much.

Michael took off his hat and looked into Alex’s eyes. There was nothing left to say besides the truth, but the truth was stuck in Michael’s throat and he wasn’t completely sure he could deliver it without breaking down. He thought of Max’s words, he thought about the consequences the truth held. He thought about the weight of his own heart, he thought about Alex looking confident, _free_ , and beautiful.

Finally, he took a step towards him. “Why’d you come after me?”

Alex seemed taken back, but then he crossed his arms over his chest, the anger overtaking the confusion. “Maria _thought_ you were going to the bathroom.”

“Some people piss in parking lots.”

“Great,” Alex lowered his arms and the sheer disappointment on his face was enough to break down whatever remaining barrier Michael had left. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Alex, wait.”

Alex turned around expectantly, as Michael took a deep breath in.

“You’re right,” he said. “I am leaving.”

“No shit,” was Alex’s response.

“But it’s because…” Michael flexed the fingers on his left hand. “Because I can’t stay here.”

“ _Oh?_ And why’s that, Guerin?”

In a voice that was barely above a whisper, Michael answered, “I think you know why.”

Alex shook his head. He didn’t want this, Michael knew that. How many similar conversations had they had? How many loaded words and false promises had they exchanged over the years? How much more of it did they have in them? 

“We were doing good, you and I. Weren’t we? _Dammit,_ _Guerin!_ This time… this time I thought we had it.”

Michael lowered his head. He couldn’t look at Alex anymore. He had let him down.… again. 

_“Friends_ , Guerin,” Alex’s voice had an edge to it. He was moving closer, kicking up bits of sand as he walked. “I thought we were... I thought we were making _progress_.”

Alex paused to breathe and Michael let a silence settle between them. Residual music and chatter from the festival filtered into the lot in which they were standing, but other than that, it was just the two of them.

They _had_ made progress over the last couple of weeks. Alex wasn’t wrong. Each of them had made promises to themselves. In stepping away from each other, even if it truly hadn’t been for that long, they had healed. _Not to the extent they wanted to_ – but enough. Enough for Alex to sing on a stage, and enough for Michael to open up; to get to a place where he could voice how he felt, and _that_ was all they needed.

“I can’t just be your friend, Alex.”

“Because of Forrest?” Alex was shaking his head in disbelief, looking more fed up than Michael had ever seen him. “Because you _sure as hell_ didn’t seem to have a problem with it before.”

“I—”

_“What?”_

“You kissed him,” Michael said, meeting his eyes.

Alex opened his mouth, but then closed it. He raised his hand in the air, but then withdrew it. Michael watched him. Whatever Alex had been expecting him to say; it hadn't been that.

“Yes, _yes I did_.”

“In _public_ ,” Michael stressed. “In front of _everyone_ and—”

“What’s the big deal, Guerin? You moved on and so did I! Or was that only ok for you to do?”

Michael flinched at the words, at Alex’s tone. “I didn’t... didn’t _think_ —”

But Alex cut him off again. “That I’d _find_ anyone? That anyone would be _interested_ in me?”

 _“_ Oh _,_ come on, Alex!”

They were both shouting now, throwing arms in the air as they spoke.

“No, _you_ come on! _Tell me_ ,” Alex paused, chest rising and falling as he pointed towards Michael’s chest. “ _Why_ , why does seeing me happy bother you so much?”

“It doesn’t!” Michael yelled. He hoped the sincere look in his eyes could convey _just_ that. “I want you to be happy!”

“Well,” Alex said, backing up. “You could’ve fooled me.”

And Michael watched as the man he loved turned away from him and looked skyward. Michael followed his gaze to the stars, to the crescent moon that hung in the sky. He had a feeling he knew how things managed to get so bad between them. Both of them weren’t saying what they really needed to, and in all the things Michael was tired of, _that_ was top of the list. 

“Alex,” he said, steadying his voice. “All I want is for you to be happy.”

Alex motioned to Michael's truck, “says the guy who’s leaving.”

“You never…” _Fuck it_. it was time. “You _never_ kissed me in front of anyone.”

Alex turned around, meeting his gaze again, looking at him just a bit differently. “So, that’s what this is about.”

“Of course it is, Alex!” Michael moved in closer, shortening the distance, keeping Alex’s eyes on him. “For _ten_ years no one knew about us, and now… now I see you dating a guy out in the open, and I can’t help but wonder what was so fucking _bad_ about me that you had to hide us away. I was just some _secret_ while _he_ gets to be—”

 _“Stop.”_ Alex grabbed Michael’s arm and Michael stopped. “You were _always_ more than just a secret, Guerin.”

Michael took a shaky breath in and let it out.

“But you’re right,” Alex said. He removed his hand and let both of them take a breath. “I hid so much of who I was back then. It wasn’t fair to me, and it definitely wasn't fair to you.” Alex looked down at the dirt before looking back at Michael. “I no longer want to be the guy who hides. I told you that, and I want you to know I mean it.”

Alex’s face changed. There was a clear shift in the air between them. The tone of the evening settling down.

“You never deserved to be a secret, Michael, and I’m sorry, _truly_ sorry if I made you feel that way. I wasn’t strong enough back then to stand up for us. I was barely strong enough to stand up for myself.” Alex’s brown eyes met Michael’s golden ones. “But… I came back to you. I wanted to try us again, and _you_ were the one who pushed me away.”

“I did that because I didn’t believe you,” Michael said.

“Why?”

"The morning in my airstream, after we slept together." Alex looked down in a sort of acknowledgment, so Michael continued, “in the morning you freaked out that Isobel might find out you were there. Isobel, my _sister_."

Alex breathed out into the air, his hands were now in his pockets.

“Then later you said you and I couldn’t happen again because…” Michael hesitated, he could feel his heart rate rising, “because I sold some copper from the junkyard or whatever. But I don’t know,” Michael resigned, “your dad was there and I saw you talk to him so maybe he told you to stay away from me. Maybe you wanted to listen.”

“I don’t care what my Dad thinks.”

Michael looked at him, not sure if he believed it.

“At least, not anymore,” Alex sighed. “Not like I used to.”

That, Michael did believe. In all their history, in all the memories that the two of them shared, Alex's father had been at the center of all the negative ones. Michael had always known that Alex was strong enough to break out from under the weight of his father's expectations, but he didn't know where Alex stood on that journey. There was so much they hadn't talked about, so much more that they needed to. 

“When you came back to me, Alex,” Michael said, reiterating the point. “I didn’t believe that _this time_ you would stay.”

“That’s not fair, Guerin.”

“It’s not?”

“No, it’s not,” Alex repeated. “Because… how could I prove I’d stay, if you wouldn’t let me try?”

Michael put his head down and kicked some rocks on the ground. That was a question he didn’t have an answer to.

“But, forget it. It doesn’t matter.”

Michael looked up. “It doesn’t?”

“No,” Alex ran a hand down his face and looked back towards the festival. “You’re with Maria now.”

Michael swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. “And you’re with Forrest.”

“Yes,” Alex said, but it sounded more like he was talking to himself. “Yes, I am.”

“Go back to him then.” It was a challenge, a dare.

“ _Michael_ —”

“Don’t Michael me.”

“ _Ugh!”_ Alex threw his hands in the air and Michael knew he would love this stubborn fool forever. “ _You’re impossible.”_

“Do you love him?” Michael asked. It was the last piece. The last piece of this puzzle that was the two of them. The final thing he needed.

“You don’t get to ask me that.”

“ _Alex_ —”

“No,” Alex said, and he was pissed off now. “But I think… I think maybe I could.”

Michael covered his head in his hands and turned away.

“Come back inside,” Alex said. “For Maria, for me.”

And maybe Michael would’ve if Alex had said anything else.

“I’m happy for you, Alex,” Michael said, wiping his eyes. “Really, I _am_.”

“Then come _back_.”

It was an olive branch for friendship. Michael knew that. But as he looked at Alex, he knew the truth that Alex had yet to accept. The two of them could never just be friends. There was too much history. Too much love left. 

“You know I can’t,” he said.

But Alex just shook his head.

“I’m happy that you no longer want to be the guy who hides. But I’m no longer the guy who doesn’t speak up.” Michael put his hat on and flexed his fingers one more time. “I told Max that I wasn’t over you and _you know what he said?_ He said if I came here tonight then I needed to be careful. _Careful_ , not to look at you the entire time.” Michael wanted to meet his eyes, but Alex wasn’t letting him. “He said _everyone_ knows I can’t look away, which means _everyone_ knows that I’m still in love with you, Alex. And when Maria comes out here because we’re taking too long, she’s going to know too.”

“You don’t get to do this, Guerin,” Alex said. His eyes were wet and his face was red. “You don’t get to _ruin_ my night like this. I... I was happy!”

“ _We_ can be happy!” Michael stepped towards him, reaching for him, but Alex backed away. He _kept_ backing away.

“I need to go,” Alex was saying. “ _You_ should go. I don’t know why I even stopped you. _Why I always_ do this to myself.”

Michael felt so unbelievably sad that he wasn’t sure how he was even standing. He wanted to hold Alex, wanted to hug him. Wanted to just tell him that the truth fucking _hurts_ but that’s _only_ because they spent so much _unnecessary_ time running away from it. The two of them _belong_ together, they _need_ each other. _If Alex could only see_. If he could just _let himself see_ -

And suddenly a woman appeared from behind one of the cars close to Alex. A woman in a pink crop top, jeans, and boots. Maria.

Michael swallowed hard. It was over. All of this was over.

“Forrest is asking for you,” Maria said, lightly touching Alex’s arm. He nodded in her general direction and then without giving Michael a second glance, he left. Looking pissed, confused, angry, and upset, Alex left. Michael had blown it, again.

And now Maria stood in front of him, not saying a single word. She waited until Alex was out of view and then tears started falling down her cheeks. She broke down. Holding her chest, she just sobbed. Alex was right. Michael had ruined the night… for everyone.

“How much did you hear?” he asked her.

She wiped her eyes, but tears still came through. “Enough.”

Michael nodded. There was no turning back now. He looked at Maria and wondered if it was possible to hate himself more than he already did. “I was going to tell you.”

“When?”

“Today,” he said. “If we didn’t come here.”

Maria eyed a boulder behind one of the parked cars and walked towards it. She sat down and motioned for him to join her. So, Michael did, he sat down next to her and let her cry, let her process this news and the disaster of the evening.

“I’m sorry,” she said at last, catching Michael by surprise.

“What? I’m the one who should apologize.”

“Maybe,” Maria said, pulling herself together. “But Alex is my _best_ friend and, in my gut, I knew I should’ve backed off,” she paused, “but I didn’t. I believed him when he said he was over you and I believed _you_ when you said the same.”

She looked at him with a kind of soft expression that Michael knew he didn’t deserve. “I wanted you to believe it,” Michael said. “Because then, then maybe I would believe it too. I’m so sorry, Maria.”

She grabbed his hand and Michael started crying. “It’s _okay_ ,” she said.

“How?” he asked with tears in his eyes. “ _How_ is this okay… for _anyone_?”

Maria started rubbing his back. Being someone _so strong_ that in her moments of weakness, she could still give strength to others. “Because now we know,” she said. “Now we _all_ know, and it hurts, but… in some ways, it feels like a weight has been lifted.”

He looked at her, awe in his eyes.

“I think I always knew you loved him. But…” she put her head down, thinking something to herself. “Signs are easy to ignore when you want to.”

Michael squeezed her hand and she _smiled_ at him. "I thought you'd be more mad," he said, not quite believing it.

"Me too," she said, and Michael almost laughed. "Maybe I will be... in the morning." 

She nudged his arm and Michael leaned into it. That was fair. 

“What did Alex say, when you told him?”

“He chose Forrest.”

Maria let out a sigh and looked up towards the universe. “He doesn’t mean it.”

“He does,” Michael said, “just like I meant it when I chose you.”

They sat in the quiet and listened as more people exited the festival and headed towards their cars. The sounds of laughter and music reminded Michael of the night they could’ve had if their situations had been different. If maybe, they were different people.

“What happens now?” Maria said, voice soft. “I mean we break up but…” she met his gaze. “What happens to you?”

Truthfully, Michael didn’t know. None of this had gone according to plan. He thought back to Max and what he said about choices. “I guess… I choose me.”

Maria nodded, she seemed to like that.

“And you?” he asked her.

“I think I’ll choose me too.”

He smiled at her, and she returned it.

“In my own way, Maria. I love you.”

“I know, Guerin,” she squeezed his hand once more before letting it go. “But not in the way I need and… that’s okay.” She wiped the rest of her tears away and then leaned in to kiss Michael on the cheek. He let himself feel its warmth, feel the last bit of loving comfort Maria was always so good at providing. He then watched as she stood up, dusted off her jeans, and walked back into the festival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Alex is determined to forget his conversation with Michael as he goes back to Forrest’s place.


	6. Over and Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex is determined to forget his conversation with Michael, which he should... considering he's back at Forrest's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post today! <3 
> 
> Last night's episode was great, but I missed Alex. I read a tweet that said 'where's Alex' is the new 'where's Magnus' and I lol'ed. Shadowhunters fans know.

On some level, Alex knew he should’ve called it a night. He knew he should’ve had Forrest drop him off at home and gone straight to bed. After all – when you have a heart-breaking conversation with your ex-boyfriend that changes everything you thought you knew, you need time. Alex needed significant time to process everything that had come out of Michael Guerin’s mouth tonight. _But_ , when Maria had come back to the festival with wet eyes and yelled, ‘ _shots!_ ’ that seemed like the much better option.

The next couple of hours were hazy, and came to Alex in snapshots. He remembered Maria trying to drink him and Forrest under the table. He remembered splitting the world’s largest plate of fries with… someone. He remembered _more_ country line dancing, more embarrassing but liberating pop karaoke. He remembered Liz and Rosa somehow showing up to take Maria home. He remembered climbing into Forrest’s truck, Forrest making him drink water, running his hands through his hair, kissing his forehead. He remembered sobering up as he stood outside the Long family barn, a rare bout of wind hitting him square in the chest, restarting his senses and helping him come to.

Alex wasn’t entirely sure how they got from the festival to the Long family property, but at the moment, he didn’t particularly care. They were standing outside of Forrest’s truck and Alex was looking from the truck, to Forrest, to the house.

“Do you…” Forrest paused, also looking from Alex to his truck to the house, “want to come inside?”

“Yes.”

They made their way inside and Alex wasn’t sure who kissed who first, but that was another thing he didn’t care about. Forrest’s hands were on Alex’s body and he didn’t want them to stop. They made their way to a couch, Forrest got on top of him, and Alex leaned into his embrace, fitting their bodies together. 

Alex threw his head back as Forrest kissed his jaw and worked his way down Alex’s neck. Alex closed his eyes, reveling in the sensation. It had been so long since he had been touched like this. In a hurried fashion, Alex pulled on Forrest’s shirt so Forrest took it off and then smiled into Alex’s mouth as he worked on the buttons that were blocking Alex’s chest.

When both shirts were off, Alex grabbed Forrest’s face and kissed him with everything he had. He didn’t want to think about the night, he didn’t want to think about Michael, he didn’t want to think about anything other than the beautiful man in front of him. The heat between them grew and Alex felt so caught up in the moment he wished it would never end.

Forrest’s hand was on Alex’s thigh and he was massaging it and Alex was getting antsy. He pulled on Forrest’s belt as Forrest kissed Alex’s chest and they leaned back further into the couch that was so _damn_ comfortable. But, as Alex shifted his weight something squeaked underneath him. Forrest went still and then burst out laughing as he reached behind Alex and pulled out a dog toy that was somehow stuck under them.

Suddenly, Buffy came running from the other room.

“Good girl,” Forrest said, and Alex had to laugh.

“I’m going to let her out, or else she’ll stay and watch us and it’ll be weird.”

“I don’t mind,” Alex said, pulling him closer and pointedly not letting him get up. 

Forrest _laughed_ , indulging Alex he kissed him back, and soon Alex was lost again in the taste of his lips and the feel of his touch and _then_ , Buffy barked again. Forrest placed his head on Alex’s chest and Alex gave in. He moved to get up, but felt dizzy and fell back down on the couch with Forrest on top of him. Alex realized he probably wasn’t as sober as he thought he was.

“I’ll get her out of here,” Forrest said. “If she stays, it’ll get creepy.”

“Creepy?”

“Yeah, she won’t look away.”

Alex laughed. “Whatever you say, Guerin.”

And then he froze, covered his mouth, and wished he could take it back.

Forrest sat up, looking confused for just a second, and then Alex saw the exact moment that his words registered. Forrest’s smile disappeared and an unmistakable look of hurt took over.

“Guerin?”

Alex’s mind went blank. He couldn’t think of anything to do, anything to _say_. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. Forrest stood up, taking Alex’s lack of response as some kind of clear acknowledgment.

 _Fuck._ There was no coming back from this.

Alex covered his whole face in his hands and sat up on the couch. Forrest disappeared and Alex thought for a moment that he might not come back, but the sounds of a door opening and dog footsteps told him otherwise.

Alex removed his hands from his face and looked up to see Forrest picking up their shirts.

“Here,” he said, handing Alex’s over.

Alex grabbed it, and in the most apologetic voice he could muster said, “thank you.”

Forrest nodded, put on his own shirt and then sat next to Alex on the couch. They sat there for a couple of seconds not saying anything. Alex felt a mix of embarrassment and shame. He wasn’t sure how Forrest felt. He wasn’t sure it was appropriate to ask.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said at last.

“It’s fine,” Forrest said, but it wasn’t. They both knew that.

Forrest might not have known what Michael was to Alex, but he knew he called him Guerin, and he was perceptive enough to piece things together.

As the silence grew, Alex just felt sad. He could’ve made an excuse by now, he could’ve tried to save the evening, but he wasn’t. that alone, spoke more volumes than anything he could’ve said. Alex put on his shirt and stood up. Forrest stood up too and they looked at each other, aware of the new distance settling between them.

“You know,” Forest started, “I saw the way he looked at you tonight.”

Alex looked down. He didn’t know what to say to that.

“The first time you two came to my barn, I noticed you were standing really close to each other, but…” Forrest shrugged. “I thought you guys were just good friends or something.”

Alex cleared his throat. “We were supposed to be.”

“To tell you the truth, when you ran after him and stayed out there, I think I knew.”

Fuck, this was hard. Alex ran a hand through his hair.

“I like you, a lot, Alex.”

“I like you too,” Alex said. Because he _did_. He had had such a _great_ time with him tonight. Forrest was a really, _really_ good guy. Those were hard to find anywhere, but _especially_ here in Roswell and Alex had felt lucky. Forrest had made him feel excited, had made him want to perform again. “I wanted to sing for you,” he added, a bit softer.

“Yeah,” Forrest nodded, “and I would’ve liked that, but… you can’t sing to me if there’s another song stuck in your head.”

Alex looked at him with sad, apologetic eyes, hoping Forrest could see the sincerity in their depths. “What if I don’t want the song that’s stuck in my head?” he asked. “What if I _want_ to sing other songs?”

“Well, in my experience,” Forrest said, “there’s only one way to do that.”

“Tell me.”

“You’re not going to like it.”

Alex swallowed. “Tell me anyway.”

Forrest led the way out of the living room and to his door. He paused in front of it and crossed his arms over his chest. Alex watched him carefully, wondering everything that was on his mind.

“The only way to get a song out of your head,” Forrest began, “is to listen to it over and over until you’re sick of it.”

“I _am_ sick of it,” Alex said.

But Forrest shook his head. “I don’t think you are, Alex. When _I’m_ sick of a song, just thinking of its melody turns me off, and it’s track titles fade from my brain.”

As Forrest opened the door, Alex knew he was right.

“And honestly,” he continued, “I’d be fine doing this thing with you while you try and forget him, but… I don’t think it’d work.”

“You don’t think I’d forget him,” Alex said.

“I don’t think you want to. Am I wrong?”

 _Yes_ , Alex wanted to say. He wanted to give Forrest a list of reasons why he should be with him and _not_ the overplayed song in his head, but all that came out was, “Michael is with Maria.” And as soon as Alex said it, he knew it was a mistake.

Forrest just looked at him. No smile, just resignation. “That’s not an answer.”

“No,” Alex said, trying to cover his face again. “You’re not wrong, but _fuck_. I had such a great time with you.”

“Hey, I did too,” Forrest said, and he was so kind. So fucking kind. “I... uh, wish you both luck?”

Alex almost laughed. “You do?”

“Yeah, I mean… I probably wouldn’t if we got much farther…” Forrest smiled, and Alex knew they were good.

They said goodnight right then and there. Alex told him he’d catch a ride home with Valenti or someone else and Forrest waved goodbye, watching as Alex walked down his property, making his way to the street.

“Hey!” Forrest yelled, and Alex stopped to turn around. “For what it’s worth, if his song does stop playing, give me a call.”

Alex smiled wide and nodded, though he wasn’t sure Forrest could see it. He almost yelled back, _‘I will!’_ but on some level, he knew he wouldn’t. Alex wasn’t sick of the song, it just hurt to listen to, and that wasn’t the same thing.

It had been nice with Forrest. It was easy with Forrest, _light_ with him. With Michael, it was… heavy. Love, in the beginning, is light and easy. As a love grows it deepens and _becomes_ heavy, until eventually, it becomes _part_ of you. When that love is deep enough, strong enough, it consumes not just a part of you, but all of you. _All of who you are_ is then made up of your love. The happiest people are the ones that own this and nurture it. The saddest people are the ones that deny this, run away from it, _refuse_ it. And it’s quite easy to refuse. An all-consuming love is heavy. It’s a love you feel in your entire being, and that _heaviness_ weighs you down.

When it hurts, when your heart breaks, you think maybe that hold will cease. Maybe the grip that love has on you will fade and you will be consumed _less_ by these feelings. But that’s not how an all-consuming love works. Moving on, feeling less, takes a considerable amount of work and effort and care. And Alex, had done none of that.

He tried to get over Guerin a little bit, but… not enough. Not really.

Guerin though, definitely tried to get over Alex. He had slept with multiple people. He had started _dating_ Maria. But tonight… tonight he had told Alex that he wasn’t over him, which meant all those attempts to move on hadn’t worked.

Was Alex glad by that? In some ways… yes. He loved Michael. He took comfort in knowing this love consumed them both. But, Alex had wanted to be over him. He really, really did. They had had their chance, didn’t they? And what about Maria? Was Michael serious about telling her?

Michael was _frustrating_. He was down-right _infuriating_. He knew exactly what to say to get into Alex’s mind and make him question _everything_. He challenged him. He… made him think about things. _He_ … Alex sighed and put his head down.

Even on his date with Forrest, he had thought of Michael. He had wondered what a first date would’ve looked like with the two of them. The truth was that he missed Michael so much that it hurt sometimes. And _god_ , it fucking hurt tonight.

Michael had been perfect, up until he wasn’t. When they were teens, in the heart of their love story, Michael had gotten into fights and trouble and was all of a sudden someone who walked around with a dark cloud of negativity hanging over his head. And… Alex had left him like that, without even saying goodbye.

Michael was an alien. A fact that back then, Alex didn’t know. And the _reason_ for Michael’s dark cloud, was drama that involved Isobel and Max. Michael didn’t go to college so that he could keep an eye on his sister. Alex had made a sacrifice for his country, but Michael had made one for his family.

_I didn’t believe that this time you’d stay._

Alex closed his eyes and let tears come. He couldn’t believe he had yelled at Michael for selling spare junkyard scrap. It had just been… triggering. Was that the right word? Seeing glimpses of that negativity that had driven Alex to leave in the first place. Michael had told him it was an excuse to leave, and he had been correct. Alex saw that now.

It was always easier to leave than it was to stay.

Staying takes _effort_. It takes understanding. It takes patience. It takes… sacrifice.

Alex reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his contacts until he landed on Michael’s name. He took a deep breath in and hit dial.

“ _You can’t leave this time,”_ Alex whispered to himself.

And as the phone rang, Alex looked up. Truthfully, he had no plan for what he was doing. But it was clear to him now that there was only one path for the two of them to take. It was time to finally unlock the secret rooms of his mind, and figure all this shit out. He watched the stars glisten and the moon shine. 

“Alex?” Michael answered.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Alex said, eyes still transfixed on the gleaming sky. “Want to pick me up?”

Michael seemed to hesitate, but then exhaled a breath that sounded a lot like relief. Alex smiled, feeling something inside him start to shift.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Michael and Alex talk about their future


	7. You and Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael drives to pick up Alex & they talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluff.
> 
> one! more! chapter!  
> :)

If there were evil forces at work that wanted Michael dead, this was genius. This was one-hundred percent how it would happen. Driving to pick up his ex-boyfriend from his new boyfriend’s house at three in the morning, I mean, come on? He couldn’t write a better horror story if he tried. He pictured Max shaking his head and Isobel calling him an idiot. He would deserve both.

Michael pulled up on the Long property and prepared himself as best he could. If Forrest had done anything to hurt Alex, Michael wasn’t above kicking his ass. Hopefully, it wouldn’t come to that, though. Hopefully, Alex had called him for another reason.

Michael felt nervous, really fucking nervous, but he pushed it down. He kept driving until his headlights fell on a lone bench in front of a big tree. Alex was sitting by himself, in the dark, with his eyes on the still-dark sky. The idea of body-possession briefly came to mind, but Michael told his brain to shut up. He had already accepted that Alex Manes would be the death of him, he didn’t need any more details.

Alex stood up, made his way to the passenger side of Michael’s truck and took his time getting in. He smelled like alcohol, grass, a faint hint of cologne and something else that was entirely Alex. Michael took it all in. The tousled hair, flushed cheeks, and the quiet look of exhaustion that hung on Alex’s face. He didn’t look like someone with the energy to tell Michael off, but… Michael had a way of bringing that out of people. 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“We were about to have sex,” Alex said, not missing a beat. He shut the door, and Michael thought his head was going to explode, “and I called him Guerin.”

Michael was still processing. “Wow...”

“Yeah.”

 _Holy shit._ Alex had said the words like they were nothing. Like they were all Michael needed to know, but… wow. What could he say to that?

“You _ruined_ me, Guerin,” Alex continued, and then he lifted his head up. “How could you tell me something like that?”

“Like, what?” Michael’s palms were sweating and his throat felt very, very dry.

“You _know_ ,” Alex said.

And he was right, Michael _did_ know. Alex was referring to their conversation, to the confessions and declarations. But the reason was something he had already told him. Something Michael had been telling himself every _day_ since he had made up his mind 

“I’m tired of secrets.”

“I am too,” Alex said, he let out a long sigh and sank further back into the passenger seat. “Really _fucking_ tired of them, and I think it’s time I shared mine.”

Michael braced himself. “Go on, then.”

“I was pissed you slept with Maria.”

And Michael couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “Finally, Alex. _Finally_.”

“Obviously, I want you both to be happy,” he continued. “But… individually.”

Michael nodded. He couldn’t stop nodding, actually.

“I can’t date both of you.”

“No,” Michael agreed. “Nobody wants that.”

“That threesome, Michael…” Alex lowered his voice. “I _enjoyed_ it, but I think sometimes… it haunts me.”

“My turn,” Michael said, and he had stopped smiling. “it haunts me too, Alex. I’m sorry.”

Alex nodded. There were tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry, _too_.”

It was contagious. Michael’s own eyes started watering as he and Alex just looked at each other, feeling the weight of their words and actions and the love that they never even had a chance of getting rid of.

“Maria and I broke up,” Michael said, and Alex’s face fell further.

“Oh my god, Guerin.”

“Long overdue, I think.”

Alex looked down. “Are you upset?”

“No,” Michael said.

“Is she?”

“No,” he said again.

Alex smiled just a little bit and Michael felt his heart swell. “New relationships aren’t fun when you have a soulmate.”

Michael looked at him in awe. “Soulmate?” he asked, hoping he had heard that right.

Alex nodded and Michael could feel more tears threatening to break through. “You know,” he said, trying to keep it together. “I think I prefer cosmic connection.”

Alex laughed, and it was the most beautiful sound Michael had ever heard. He resolved that Alex should be happy forever - that all their memories from here on out should be good ones, f _ull_ ones, soul-deep.

“Of course you do,” Alex was saying.

Michael couldn’t stop looking at him.

“So… you and me?” Alex asked, but it wasn’t a question, not anymore. Now… now it was fact. 

“You and me,” Michael echoed.

“You’re in?” Alex’s eyes were hopeful. “Fresh start. No hurt feelings.”

“No hurt feelings, and no running away,” Michael added.

“No running away,” Alex smiled. “Or _flying_ away either.”

“Deal.” Michael laughed, feeling lighter than he had in a very long time. He looked at Alex Manes. _Beautiful_ Alex Manes who was looking at him and not looking away.

“One more secret for the night?” Alex said.

“Sure.”

“I’m scared to do this with you, Guerin. But, I think I’m more scared to do this without you.”

Michael reached out and touched Alex’s arm. “I love you, Alex. And I don’t know many things, but I know that I will love you forever.”

Alex relaxed. Michael could feel the tension leaving him as he placed his hand on top of Michael’s and _smiled_ – genuinely, freely. “Take me home.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Michael reached for the keys to start the truck.

“And Guerin?”

Michael paused, “yeah?”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next: Alex & Michael step out as boyfriends and try on some public displays of affection.  
> Finale chapter!


	8. Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael & Alex each reflect on their relationship and then head to a bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who joined me on this 8-day Malex fic journey. I challenged myself to write and post every day and OOF I can't believe we made it! <3  
> Posting every day was tough. I know in some places the story feels a little rushed, there are grammar errors, it DEFinitely needs some edits, but hey - it is DONE!!  
> (I may go back and do some edits TBD on that)
> 
> I never expected such a positive response and it's so awesome to receive. Thank you all again for the kudos & comments and without further ado, I hope you enjoy this 3-part tumblr-esq finale chapter. :)

When Alex woke up sometime in the afternoon, he had one new unread voicemail… from Maria. He walked into the kitchen, started making the world’s largest pot of coffee, and as the machine got to work, he pressed play.

 _Hey, Alex. I tried calling, but couldn’t reach you. Just wanted to let you know that Guerin and I broke up. All I want is a life that’s open, honest, and full of love. That’s what I want for you too, Alex. We’ve shared so much over the years, including one Michael Guerin. I wish I had known about the immensity of your love, I think it would’ve saved us all a whole lot of time. I’ll never forget that you put my happiness above your own. It’s my turn now, Alex. Know that you deserve the world, and please hold on to the things that bring you joy. As for Guerin, he’s your problem now. I love you, my friend – in the forever kind of way. Enjoy the rest of your weekend_.

Alex put down his phone and wiped his eyes. If he didn’t know better, he’d think he cried more in the last 24 hours than he had in the last ten years.

He didn’t need Maria’s blessing, but it meant everything to him to have it. Alex was somebody who cared probably a bit too much about the opinions of others. It was something he was working on. Believing that who you are is enough and that you deserve the happiness you seek, is important. With time and the right people by his side, he would get there.

As Alex grabbed two coffee mugs, he thought of the future and what it looked like. Just yesterday he had thought of blue-dyed hair and performing. It was a thrilling kind of fantasy that had gotten him excited to dream. But _today_ all Alex could think about was sleeping in, rolling around the sheets with a mess of curls, and maybe... singing along as he played the guitar, and _that_ was the special kind of fantasy that made him excited to live.

“Morning,” a voice said from behind him. Alex smiled, feeling his heartbeat and a wave of energy course through his veins.

He filled up the two mugs and took in the coffee’s aroma. As he turned around, Michael pulled him in.

“Good morning,” Alex said, handing him a mug. 

Michael snaked one arm around Alex’s waist, kissing him fully before accepting the coffee. There was something about the way Michael kissed him that always drew Alex in. It always felt so intentional. He pulled back and lightly pressed their foreheads together. He couldn’t remember a time when he felt so at peace, like everything was just… right.

He knew they weren’t perfect. He knew they still had so much to work through and sort out. But, as he stood wrapped in Michael’s embrace, he couldn't be happier. All of those fears and concerns seemed to drift away. As long as Michael was there holding him, Alex knew everything would be okay.

* * *

“How do you want to do this?”

“What do you mean?”

Michael rolled over and with his finger traced a line down Alex’s back. “I mean, do we start calling each other boyfriend?”

Alex smiled into his pillow, pulling Michael closer to him. “Yes.”

“You’re serious?”

“ _Yes_.”

Michael brought his face next to Alex’s, he was still trailing his fingers along the side of him.

“I want to kiss you.”

“So, kiss me.”

“In public.”

Michael paused, resting his hand on Alex’s lower back. He brought their noses together.

“Would you be into that?” Alex asked, smiling.

Michael took a deep breath in and let it out as he held the man he loved in front of him. He couldn’t quite believe it. If he was being honest, when he opened his eyes, he was half expecting Alex not to be there. But he was, and he was half-naked and kissing him.

 _Will you really stay?_ Michael had asked him last night. _I am never leaving you again_ , was Alex’s response. _I am staying_ , he said as he kissed him into the morning, _and staying and staying and staying_.

“I would,” Michael whispered, as the memories of their night came back to him.

“You once told me that you go along with whatever I want,” Alex said. “I don’t want you doing that anymore. I want you to tell me no if you mean it.”

Michael nodded. Finding Alex’s hand, he brought theirs together. “I’ve somewhat gotten my shit together. I think I’m ready to date a decorated airman.”

Alex groaned and turned over. Michael just laughed.

_And staying and staying. I will be there when you wake, I will be there when you sleep. I’m staying, Michael, and you better not push me away._

“You don’t need to change who you are to be with me, Guerin.”

_I will never push you away, Alex, but if I do, if I somehow try and fuck this up, don’t let me. Just kiss me. Kiss me and tell me again that you’ll stay._

“Says Mr. Karaoke,” Michael smirked.

“Please.”

_I’m staying and staying._

“I mean it, Alex. You’ve changed,” Michael was still smirking, but he sat up on the bed and Alex joined him.

“Not really,” Alex said, fixing his hair. “I think I’ve become more of the person I was before I changed. If that makes sense.”

“So…” Michael thought about that. “You… un-changed?”

Alex rolled his eyes and laid back down. “It is way too early to be talking.”

_Say it again._

_I’m staying._

“It’s practically noon,” Michael laughed and rolled on top of him. “Karaoke man.”

“Shut up, Michael.”

“Make me.”

A grin broke out across Alex’s face. Maneuvering out from under him, he pinned Michael to the mattress. Michael laughed into Alex’s mouth as Alex kissed him again and _again_ , succeeding in all his endeavors to _shut_ him up.

_And you won’t push me away?_

_Never._

_And you’ll stay?_

_Forever._

_It’s you and me now._

_Together._

* * *

There was one gay bar on the edge of town. If Alex was serious about wanting to kiss him in public, then Michael figured it was the best place to start. Here, they could be comfortable. Here, he wouldn’t have to worry about any unwanted eyes or problems. Also, out of respect for Maria, he figured they should stay away from the local bar for a while.

“Is it… glitter night?” Alex laughed, taking it all in.

Michael felt nervous, but the good kind. The 'holy-shit' excitement kind. He was probably the more outgoing one out of the two of them, but being out with Alex all of a sudden felt very different. It sort of felt like a big reveal, but it also felt a little intimate. Alex grabbed Michael’s hand and led them through a maze of multi-colored streamers.

Michael looked down at their hands and knew he was blushing. God, he loved this man more than anything.

A song blared through the bar that all the patrons seemed to know. In a mere second, they were surrounded as people jumped and danced and sang out loud to some beat that he and Alex clearly didn’t know.

Alex threw his head back and laughed and even over the music and the people, Michael could hear it. Alex was joyous. he was smiling bigger than Michael had ever seen. They danced together. Moving back and forth to the tunes they didn't know, reveling in the simple joys that came from living fully.

After a couple of songs, Alex leaned forward and cupped Michael’s face. “Ready?” he asked.

Michael grabbed Alex’s waist, he was about to whisper something seductive, when a mop of blonde hair in the corner caught his attention. Michael could feel his body tensing up as his eyes narrowed in on the corner of the bar. Alex noticed immediately and turned around.

“ _Isobel?”_

 _“Michael?!”_ Isobel yelled. She jumped up and down, and as the crowds of people moved, they saw the person standing next to her.

 _“Valenti?”_ Alex went wide-eyed as Kyle’s jaw dropped and the straw in his mouth fell on the floor.

“What are you doing here!!” Isobel said, running over to them.

Michael had absolutely no idea what to say to her. He looked from her to Alex to… Kyle Valenti? “What are _you_ doing here?” he threw back at her. 

“Um, asked you _first_ ,” she said, clicking her tongue. “Also, I’m pretty sure _I’m_ the one that told you about this place.”

Alex had fully walked over to Kyle who looked like he was trying to hide under a bar stool.

“I come here to get away,” Kyle was saying.

“You literally have glitter on your _face_ ,” Alex was saying back, “are you… are you a _regular_ here?”

“Michael, look at me,” Isobel said, snapping her fingers in front of his face. “You can go back to your regularly scheduled staring of Alex Manes after you tell me what you’re doing here.”

“I… uh,” shit. Isobel was looking at him expectantly with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Are you _spying_ on me? It’s because I told you about the girl isn’t it.”

“What?” Michael tried to wrap his brain around what his sister was saying. “No… that’s not—”

“Then what _is it_ , Michael?”

“I’m here with my boyfriend! Ok?” Michael could feel his heart beating out of his chest and his face turning beet red. That was the first time he had _ever_ said those words. And he had said them out loud. To Isobel. _Shit, was that okay?_

Isobel was rendered speechless for approximately two seconds before her face came fully alive and she was _hitting_ him on the back. “When were you going to tell me!”

“Ow!” he said, “ _chill_!” but she was still hitting him. “It literally just happened!”

“You think I believe that!?”

“Woah, woah, woah,” came Kyle Valenti’s voice. “What’s going on here?”

“ _This little shit_ ,” Isobel began, “has been withholding personal life information from his one and only sister!”

Kyle raised an eyebrow and then smiled knowingly at Alex.

“Did Valenti know before me?!”

“Isobel, calm down, or I _swear_ I will throw you across this glitter-filled balloon with my _mind_.”

Alex laughed and walked up next to him, causing Isobel to take a few steps back and gawk at Kyle.

“He just told me,” Kyle said. “I bought us a round of shots.”

As if on command, a waitress with a tray of shots appeared before them. There were five, which Michael thought was odd until the bartender took one for herself and winked at Isobel.

Michael shot her a look and Isobel shrugged, smiling at him.

“A toast!” Kyle said

“To… the gays?” Isobel offered.

“Oh my, god.” Michael covered his face.

“How about to friendship?” the bartender offered.

“I think love is more appropriate,” Kyle said.

“ _Shoot me_ ,” Michael whispered to Alex.

Alex laughed and raised his shot in the air. Everyone stopped talking and looked at him.

“A toast… to fresh starts,” he began. “To friendship, love, _definitely_ the gays…,” Alex winked at the bartender who was standing _very_ close to Isobel. “But mostly, to bright glitter in an old dusty town.”

It was _perfect_. They all clinked their glasses together and shot them back. Kyle then proceeded to cough and make his way to the bar for a glass of _water_. Isobel and the bartender took off in the opposite direction, which Michael made sure to make a mental note of. He then turned to Alex who was right by his side.

“So, that was unexpected,” Michael said.

“Very unexpected…” Alex said with a certain gleam in his eyes, “ _boyfriend_.”

“Ah,” and just like that, Michael was smiling like a fool. “that ok?”

“More than okay,” Alex’s hands were on him and the music was getting softer. “Where were we?”

Michael shook his head, in disbelief of the magic that stood before him. He turned his body towards Alex and as their lips came together he felt himself getting lost in the wonder of it. Alex tasted like tequila, confidence, and possibility. He kissed him, _really_ kissed him, in front of every single multi-colored streamer and person in the bar with them tonight. 

Michael was vaguely aware of some wolf whistles that sounded a lot like Isobel and Valenti, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was _Alex Manes_ , who had stayed, who he wouldn't push away, who was kissing him back, _in public_ , and who had toasted to them and to fresh starts. 

And that's the thing about fresh starts. Once you commit to them, you shut the door on the past and keep your eyes trained forward. It no longer matters what happened before because all you need, all that’s relevant to you & your beautiful life, is what comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3


End file.
